5 lessons I learned from my failings
From the very start, at a young age, I learned that making mistakes was an awful thing, something I should avoid at all cost, but when you get things right even when you had no idea why they worked it's an excellent thing (congrats.. you did it!). This is just a terrible way to deal with your past and future "failures" and after many years I wasn't just failing but feeling like a huge failure as well and it was a dangerous way to go, so I tried to change some thoughts plus behaviors that have been helping me since then.
Here’s my point of view and personal experience about it.
The big picture
If your general definition of success or nonsuccess comes from the results of your daily or main activities, that would be so many highs and lows to control and you'll not be able to see the big picture of your own life. Remember that the positive outcomes are cumulative. So, first of all, I needed to get a very clear and individual definition of what is success/failure in life (almost like my purpose).
Understanding the real why
I mean, there's something I personally do when things don't go as planned and I can skip the part of feeling like s*it or at least make it more manageable and faster to go through my initial frustration. I bring all these bad feelings to the light of logic. Why did this happen?
➱ Lack of effort?
➱ Matter of numbers?
➱ Bad luck?
➱ Lack of organization?
➱ Task difficulty?
It’s completely normal to feel ashamed, disappointed, doubting yourself, or feeling unmotivated about diving again into the hard work phase, but I like to see my mistakes as hit-and-miss, like experiments. We have a ton of paths and behaviors to test, if one of them fails we can go to the next one.
When I attributed the failure to something stable and inner about myself (my ability) or me as a person, then I was more likely to get depressed, give up, and generalize my failures to other situations. My behavior failed not me as a person!
Behind the behavior
The first part of the process of feeling like garbage comes to the idea of our own expectations about this one thing supposed not to go wrong. Do you feel overwhelmed with your own thoughts, with your perfectionism?
I need to do a great job;
I need to be the best;
If I can't be perfect, I'm a failure;
If I'm a failure, then I have no value;
Life is not worth be lived if I have no value.
Now, try to change to:
Keep in mind my definition os success, my purpose in life very clear;
Now, strive to contribute to my purpose.
Perfectionism results in the illogical linking of self-worth to performance.
Losing the fear
Making mistakes and failing is not fatal. When I worried about the possibility of failing, losing, and making mistakes, I thought I wouldn’t be able to deal with the consequences and that made me extremely cautious. The truth is that everyone falls when they are learning to walk.
This process can be translated as participating in one’s own life and this is no longer limiting when we see it as an opportunity to learn and develop new skills.
" A man can get discourage many times but he is not a failure until he begins to blame somebody else and stops trying. " — John Burroughs
Enjoy your failure
A good way is to avoid “good” and “bad” judgments of your behavior and start describing facts and experiences. This is called competence motivation or effectiveness motivation, which increases your resilience to deal with other difficulties — acquired industriousness.
The most important thing is to keep yourself in the game.
Thanks for reading!
If you would like to discuss more, share feedback or ask any questions, drop me a line or connect on LinkedIn. Or don’t, that’s ok.
